Tag Archives: Love

Graduation, Lactose Intolerance, and Vomiting in My Car– some minor and major life updates for ya

Given that my last post was months ago, it shouldn’t come as a surprise to know that life has been pretty hectic lately. So here are some minor updates followed by a few major ones.

Minor Updates: 

  1. I’ve developed an intolerance to lactose
    Apparently this is a common occurrence for Asians and I’m still pretty pissed off about it.
  2. I recently presented The Secrets to Success at the Sigma Tau Delta International Conference in Cincinnati, Ohio
  3. I picked up crocheting
  4. My current goal is to crochet a queen sized blanket using the waffle stitch pattern.
  5. My friend threw up in my car
    Yes; we’re still friends.
  6. I’ve downloaded Clash of Clans all for the purpose of destroying my girlfriend’s home base.
    I’m looking for a clan. Hit me up if you need a new member!

Major (?) Updates:

  1. I got a tattoo
    I chose my adoption date. I knew that my first tattoo would have to be something special to me. This date is a constant reminder of how fortunate and blessed I am.
    IMG_1958
    I actually got this tattoo a while back– let’s say around October of 2017– and only a handful of people know about it. It was never something I really wanted to flaunt.Also, my parents don’t even know and they would kill me. (Sorry mom & dad!!)
  2. I have a girlfriend
    To many, this has been a surprise considering I had only dated men in the past and I’ve received a lot of questions about my relationship; but I don’t want to make this update about the fact that I’m dating a girl. As my wise friend, Tamar, once stated: “Differentiating this relationship from others solely because of gender would only detach it from the conversation about relationship norms.” What I want to focus on instead is how healthy this relationship has been thus far and how it has changed both me and my partner in better ways.But I’ll talk more about this in another post.

     

  3. I’m graduating in a month
    It’s funny. When I first started my journey towards my B.A. I couldn’t wait to finish and get it all over with. Yet, here I am with the finish line in sight and no definite idea of what to do next.

    Will I go to grad school right away? Maybe.
    One year hiatus? Possibly.
    Continue with Literature? Debating.
    Finally finish that novel I started? That would be ideal.The point is, I don’t really know yet & I’m sloooooooOOOOOooowly (very, very slowly) realizing that that’s okay. I’ve come to understand that the sadness and ocean of hopelessness that I’ve been feeling over the past few semesters were a product of all the pressure I’ve been putting on myself to know– to know everything and to know it all right now.  To know what I’m going to do and how I’m going to do what I want to do before I even know what it is I want to do. But as Lily once said on season 4 of How I Met Your Mother:

    “You can’t design your life like a building. It doesn’t work that way. You just have to live it and it’ll design itself.”

    This is not to say that I’ve completely abandoned all recourse for responsible action or that I have now become a passive participant in my own life; rather, I’m teaching myself to trust in my own abilities more and to know that I can make the best of whatever comes my way.

    Anyways, enough of the life lesson. What I really wanted to share was that I’m graduating May 20th with a degree in Literature and a minor in Writing. My very tentative plan is to pursue a Masters in Literature with a focus on ethnic literature (specifically Latinx literature) within the next 5 years. Hopefully get more serious about publishing, and eventually retire with a house filled with large windows and pets.

    In a nutshell, this has been my life for the past few months. Granted, I can’t detail every notable moment, nor would I ever want to bore you with that, but I hope some of these updates have been interesting or relatable in some way.

    I know I haven’t been great at keeping my blog updated, but that will change! So let’s talk! As always,  please feel free to offer any constructive criticism, comments, or suggestions on what you’d like to see me post about next.

    Happy Reading!

To You

In this world, we are only ever given choices
To hate, to love, to take a left or turn right
To fight another day or collapse within ourselves
and let our fragile hearts consume us

In this world, we watch the hands of the clock too closely
Count the seconds like we count the coins in our pockets
Listen to the movement of time like a metronome
And catch up with the hours that move faster than we can run

In this world, life is chaotic and nothing is guaranteed
And all we can ever do is keep walking through the fire

But in my world, you are an artist and I-
I am an imperfect puzzle, incomplete and weary
And you paint sunsets in place of missing pieces
Craft melodies with your hands,
Draw monsoons with your lips and I
I am endlessly recreated by your love

In my world, I don’t know much of anything
I don’t know up from down, this from that,
here from there-

I live my life in a spiral

 I don’t subscribe to fate,
and I don’t know much of destiny
Sometimes i don’t even believe in god

but my god

I love you

 

 

 

 

How You Know You Love Someone

Challenge Day 5: How You Know You Love Someone

You know you love someone when…

They send you a link to a video they want you to watch and you actually watch the whole thing

They can lay any part of their limb or body on top of any surface of yours and you let them. You even enjoy it.

Their mood affects yours. When they’re sad, you feel it as if it’s your own pain.

The need to tell them you love them is so strong that sometimes it just slips out.

The same flaws that usually turn you off to other people have no affect on your feelings for them.

You offer them the last french fry.

You let them get away with a lot of shit.

You can talk for hours without a moment of awkward silence.

You get disappointed when the notification on your phone isn’t from them.

You let them change the radio station without them having to ask.

You’re at Taco Bell with only $5 to your name, yet you still ask them if they want anything.

You would take the time to cut the ends of their sandwich because you know they don’t like the crust.

You want all your friends and family to like them so you boost them whenever you talk about them.

You hear good music and they’re the first person you want to share it with.

You find a good restaurant and they’re the first person you want to bring.

You experience something amazing and they’re the first person you want to tell.

You remember all the little things without making a conscious effort to.

You would drive at 3 a.m. to rescue them from any situation, but really you’re just happy you get to see them.

You see something that reminds you of them and instantly feel some sort of contentment that they’re in your mind once again.

You miss them even when they’re right next to you.

You want to forgive them even while you’re angry at them.

You look at them and you want them for more than the moment. You think long-term.

You want to give them your best and nothing short of that will do.

You know they’re changing you, but you let them because when they love you back, it’s always for the better.

This was definitely the most challenging prompt for me to write thus far. In fact, imagine an expert in love and then think of the complete opposite of that person. That’s who I would be.  But I can’t pretend I’ve never felt it before. I love my family, my dad, my mom, my closest friends and I’ve loved people I’ve been in intimate relationships with. I have loved fully and passionately and softly. My problem is not that I don’t know what love is or what it feels like. My problem is that I can’t say it out loud. Because actually saying it out loud is very much like giving a part of yourself to a person and trusting them with it. And trust does not always come easy to me.

So while I haven’t always said it out loud, I knew I felt it.

How do you know you love someone?

Life, Death, and How They Came to Be 


When Life was just a child, she tugged on Death’s sleeve and asked, “Brother, why is the sky so dim?” Death turned his gaze towards the universe and looked into the dark abyss. Devoid of breath and being, it was filled with naught save for a faint light far in the distance. He turned to his young sister, still millions of years younger than he, and replied, “Sit down, and let me tell you the story of our creators.”Always eager and curious for knowledge, Life rushed to sit beside her brother. She buzzed with energy and excitement while Death, ever solemn, recounted the tale of the universe.

In the early years, there lived three beings: Light, Darkness, and Eternity. They were fierce companions with good wills between them. They traversed across the universe creating and planning with no reserve. Light would shape planets and galaxies with colors so vibrant that all three would stop for periods of their journey to admire the spectrum. But Light was so radiant that without the aid of Darkness, such colors were indiscernible in her bright glow. As for Eternity, he sustained the beings that Light birthed. So astounded by her creations, he made sure they flourished without end and for a while, the universe brimmed with vibrance. In their wake, the three left behind solar systems, asteroid belts, galaxies, and even black holes.


One day, while Light and Eternity walked ahead, Darkness looked upon Light and came to a realization. He found that he no longer followed behind her just to enjoy the view of her colors, but to experience the infinite joy he wrought by simply being in herproximity. So magnificent and so necessary was she to him that Darkness soon fell in love. Now, Darkness was no fool. He knew that in order for Light to thrive, he had to give parts of himself each time. But he did so without cease, and without fail.


Light, too, took pleasure in Darkness. In moments reserved for rest, they danced between the galaxies she created and chased each other around the planets. They played without end. She marveled at his power, both equal and opposite to hers and knew in the core of her being that they were two parts of a whole. So easy and natural was their friendship that their bond gradually blossomed into a mutual love. So dedicated was she to him, that Light gave Darkness a piece of herself which he planted into the very center of his being. And not long after, from their love came their first child. Death.


Eternity was delighted by this change at first. He was thrilled his two friends had found happiness and now had a family. But as young lovers are wont to do, Light and Darkness often abandoned Eternity and focused most of their attentions on their offspring and on one another. They began creating without Eternity, and his joy turned to ire– their exclusions turning him bitter. Angered by Darkness and Light’s desertion, he grew an envious heart. No longer in bright spirits, he walked away from the family and encased himself in an empty corner of the universe. Darkness took notice of Eternity’s grim mood and spoke to Light.


‘There is hatred brewing in our friend and I worry that he will not overcome it.’
To this, Light replied, “Perhaps he is lonely and wishes for a family of his own.’
Darkness thought for a moment, then answered, ‘Then let us find him someone to cure his sorrow.’


Thus, began their millennia long search. Eventually, Light and Darkness met Time. They introduced her to Eternity and were overjoyed to see that the pair were settling into an strong companionship. For a while, all was well. Time and Eternity shared an intense affair. She gave meaning to Eternity and he gave Time stability and permanence. But Time was a fickle lover and grew bored with Eternity. He, too, became tired of her impatience and constantly changing nature. Unsatisfied with forever and unwilling to share a family, Time left Eternity and he spiraled into another fit of anger and bitterness. Unaware of this sudden occurance, Light and Darkness paid a visit to their old friend to inform him of their second child. A child whom they named Life. Eternity, already in a untempered state of hatred, lashed out at the two and forced them away.


Feeling the stings of rejection and betrayal, Eternity thought to himself, ‘Why should they have love and not I? What gives Light and Darkness the right to a family, to happiness, while I have naught but this empty corner of the universe?’Hatred consumed him and he turned his hands towards Light’s creations and took away his gift. No longer wishing to sustain them, he watched them crumble one piece at a time. Stars burned out, planets collided into one another, and inch by inch, the universe rapidly wound itself into chaos.
Distraught by the end of her creations, Light confronted Eternity. When she saw that her pleading for compassion was in vain, she assailed him with all her strength. Angered by her audacity and still awash with pain, he fought back even harder. They fought with all the strength in their beings until Light grew so tired that Eternity, in a fit of impulsivity, consumed her and soon she was no more. Beside himself with regret and melancholy, Eternity fled and hid himself in a place no one would find him. As for Darkness, forlorn and overcome with a terrible grief, he settled into a great depression that no other being could rouse him from. All that was left of Light was the miniscule and imoveable particle of her being that darkness held inside. No longer able to care for himself nor his children, he fell into a deep sleep he wished to stay forever in.

Life stared at her brother, enraptured. “Where is Eternity now, brother?” She asked.
“Alas, that is a question I have no answer to,” Death said.
“What about the beings that Eternity did not destroy?”
“With absence of Light, the few remaining planets have frozen and stopped. The universe is at a stand still and Darkness consumes all.”
She sat up straighter. “So they are still present?”
“Yes, but they are frozen. Useless and enshrouded by Darkness. Even I cannot see them.”
Life’s brows furrowed. “Why is that when there is light far out into the distance?” She pointed to the tiny speck up ahead of them. “Is that not Light herself?”
Her brother sighed. “No, my young one. That is merely a tiny piece of Light that Darkness keeps within himself. A part of herself that was freely given. It is too meager to be useful. It would hardly warm the palm of your hand.”


Life jumped up, restless and unbounded by the pessimism that shadowed Death. “How can you be so sure? Yes, it is just a speck, but so much is started by a simple spark.”
Death sighed. “You are still too naive and your hope is a character of your youth.” He kissed the tip of Life’s nose and smiled down at her. “I am both gladdened and saddened by it. But enough of this. We can resume your infinite queries another time.”


But Life could not stop thinking about Light, Darkness, and Eternity. Hours after Death left her, she laid down staring at the faint light and pondering the lost lives frozen by Eternity. Unwilling to stay still and give up, she gathered her bravery and traversed across the universe. She traveled high and low, not stopping until she stood before the only light that glistened within the darkness. Up close, it was even smaller than she imagined, barely the size of a fist. But it was bright and when she touched it she felt a part of her come alive.


Enraptured by the tiny ball, she grasped it in her hand, turning it this way and that. In her core, she felt a small turning, as if the glowing ball were speaking to her, but so light was the tug that she almost missed it. Life thought deeply about the ways she could use such a modest specimen to enliven the movements of the universe, but nothing she came up with seemed adequate enough.


“Maybe Death was right,” she sighed. “How can I bring breath and vibrancy with something so infinitesimal?”
As if he has been awaiting her, Darkness awoke from his slumber and answered his child, “What is it you have come here for, Life?”
She answered without hesitation, “I wish to give back what was taken. To renew the hands of Light.”
“And do you know the cost of such a deed? Overtime, the meager specimens burrowing in the rocks will evolve. They will increase in size and intelligence– in love and hate. You will be responsible for all creation– for all their growth, their failures, successes, and actions.”
“If that is all it takes, I am willing.”
Darkness scoffed at her audacity, but reveled in her likeness to Light. “You are willing to leave the comfortable dwelling of your home and live in places you’ve never been? You are young. There is much in this universe that will terrify you. Much that you cannot see now, but once awakened instill fear even in me.”
“If there is fear, then there is something worth achieving.”


“Is that so? You may not know, but even when Light, Eternity, and I brought forth out creations, there were things even we could not control. Evil and terrifying beings.”
Seeing that she was undaunted, Darkness then asked her, “What of your beloved brother? He will be out here in vast expanse of space while you will be confined by the planets, asteroids,  the moons and their coming civilizations. You will not see him again.”
At this, Life paused. To give up the only being she knew and loved was like losing an integral part of herself. Was she willing to give up her teacher, her friend, her sole family? Death would grieve surely, if she said yes. But if she refused all that Light created would never again flourish.


Growing impatient by her silence, Darkness answered for her. “It is evident that you are not willing to give Death up. Thus, I am unwilling to give you the sole light in this universe.” Though his tone was deep and sure, disappointment was hidden beneath its depths.


Life, discouraged by Darkness’s refusal, bowed her head in sorrow.
“Ah. There is an answer you have not yet introduced to her, Darkness.” The voice came from behind her and Time revealed herself.
Darkness averted his gaze to her and replied, “What might that be, old friend?”
“There is one thing I am willing to offer Life and that is myself. In this universe, should there be a limit to the life she creates, there must be a collector for when they grow old, decrept and useless to the universe. For when their energies long to be recycled and transformed anew.”
Darkness then asked, “And what has brought you to this conclusion?
Time responded, “I grow tired of this darkness. With no movement of this universe there is no purpose for me.”
“And what of Eternity”
“Alas, he has left into some far and distant corner that we would do well never to visit. There, he houses beings craving their end. Poor creatues who can no longer sustain themselves but must go on living with their suffering.”
“And what have you to offer to my daughter? To life?
Time answered without pause. “Meaning.”
Life turned to Time and said, “What does this mean of Death?”


Behind the trio, came the gentle rustling of movement. As if summoned form the shadows, death appeared. “It means that just as you sow, I will reap,” came her brother’s reply. Knowing that she would be unable to deny her curiosity and would pursue the path of the light, Death had followed close behind Life on her journey. “If this is the path you have chosen for yourself, then I too will choose one for my own.”


Darkness smiled in the abyss and asked of Life, “Though your brother will be confined to the planets, moons, and all where civilization lies as well, know that you still will not be together. Where there is life, there cannot be death. I shall ask you once more. Are you willing to sacrifice for a world you do not know?”


Life gazed upon Death, who nodded slowly. Though his countenance was solem, his eyes reassured her. She turned to Darkness and said, “Yes.”
“Then take the light, my child and warm it within yourself. From your essence you hold all that is essential to this universe.

So Life did.

And from her grew a radiance so bright than even Darkness happily gave himself to bathe in its warmth. From her breath, all that once was frozen thawed and gave way to movement. Plants resurrected from the earth, amphibians then mammals began their evolutions. Humans took their shape and the various wonders of Life gave the universe a reason to dance once more.She would breath life into her creations and together with Time, they would watch as her beings lived then passed on into the hands of her brother.
Though she never saw Death again, she knew he was there. For each time she gifted her creations to him, he would weave their energies into stars so radiant that the entire world would look up in awe. And when the stars would burst or collide into one another, Life would take bits and pieces of their chaos and transform their energy into new beings– a flower, a bird circling the trees, or a conception in the womb. In the darkness, Life would join Time and together, they would sit around life and gaze up into the universe knowing the stars were made especially for her.

 

Hey “Insert Name Here,”

Challenge Day 3: Letter to my significant other (or future significant other)

Hey “Insert Name Here,”

I don’t really know where to start. How do you write a letter to someone you don’t even know yet? I have no idea when I’ll meet you, if I already have. I don’t know who you are or what you do. I don’t know whether your crazy or sane or a little bit of both. Maybe you’re a teacher at some middle school, maybe you’re an athlete, or a computer scientist. Maybe you’re one of those people who get paid for trying new flavors of ice cream. I hope you’re a magician.

I have no idea what you do and who you are, but for now all these questions are unanswered. And I find that so exciting. You excite the fuck out of me and I don’t even know who you are. Damn, slaying the game already.

I can’t really say I’m sitting here pining away for you, wondering when you’re going to come into my life and change my world. Because:

  1. Fuck that.
  2. You have your own life to live and your own reality to create.

So take your time, because I’m doing the same thing.

I won’t bother introducing myself to you, because you probably already know all the fun and terrible details of my life by now. So I guess I’ll just make some predictions about our life together.

Prediction 1: We live in an apartment (hopefully) in Canada. With windows. Lost of windows with our rescue dog.

Prediction 2: We met through a mutual friend while I was in school; We also hated each other.

Prediction 3: We have a shared dislike for The Great Gatsby and we both think pizza is overrated.

Prediction 4: Our first date was at a Denny’s.

Prediction 5: We bond over food, movies, and the type of music you listen to when you’re high. I drag you to James Wan’s horror movies that you don’t want to see but you force me to go to the beach when it’s hot as hell and humid so it’s only fair.

I’m going to stop there. But those are my predictions for now.

I hope where you are that you find yourself before we find each other. I don’t want to get too cheesy. But I hope that you struggle and are hit by obstacle after obstacle and rise higher than you ever expected.

I hope your progression in life is one that leads you to your wildest achievements and that you receive as much as you give– and whether or not I’ll be there for those, I hope they are memories that inspire you to be the best you can be. Because knowing the kind of person I want and need in life, I have no doubt you’ll have the best heart that I could ever imagine.

Hope to see you soon.

Best,
Via

You’ll Never Know This Poem Is About You

Challenge Day 2: Describe Someone You Love/d

You’re a rainy day on Sunday
You’re clothes fresh out of the dryer
You’re the wind blowing through my hair
And s’mores roasting over a fire

You’re a cancelled class on Monday
Cheetos residue I lick off my fingers
You’re hot cocoa on Christmas morning
And the kind of warmth that lingers

You’re the happy ending in a novel
You’re a midnight snack after sex
You’re the flip side of my pillow
My favorite good morning text

You’re air drying after a nice shower
You’re rocking out to my favorite band
You’re the free food at a buffet
You’re bare feet sinking in sand

You’re a paper cut from a sad book
You’re the dry heat at noon
You’re an alarm clock on Saturday
You’re a hot day in June

You’re a letter of rejection
You’re an Iggy Azalea verse
You’re the anxiousness that settles
When you have to present first

You’re the F I get on a final exam
You’re tequila shots without lime
You’re oil that jumps out of the skillet
You’re the right person, wrong time

You’re a question that goes unanswered
You’re not letting go of the past
You’re wishing I had tried harder
You’re the regret that it didn’t last

My Life Explained By Numbers

Challenge Day 1: Introduce Yourself 

I have lived a grand total of 1,070 weeks, which, factoring in the date of my birth is exactly 7,489 days today. This is not including leap year so really I’ve lived a total of 7,494 days. That means I am made up of 10,791,360 minutes of alternating good and bad decisions, lazy days, detours and misadventures, lies, love, 99¢ ramen runs and 1 Rihanna concert. I am 3 inches above 60 and 115lbs of solidified magic and madness. I have been with 3 people, only said “I love you” to one, have 5 close friends I would do anything for, 4 parents I love more than anything, and a dog I would jump in front of a slowly moving car for. I am the 3rd kid in a group of 5, but I am legally an only child. I was adopted 1,089 days from my birth and have lived on the island of Guam for nearly 6,400 days.

Roughly 40.8% of my time has been dedicated to aiming for decent grades, memorizing various literary devices, and trying but failing to find the solutions to limits as x approaches a constant. Since I will be entering my senior year of college in 3 months I still have about 180 days left of school. I spend around 8 hours studying and attending classes 5 days out of 7. That’s roughly 40 hours a week pursuing my academic goals. This number, of course, varies upon the time in the semester, the amount of credit hours, and the type of student, but I’d say it’s comparable to a full time job. That leaves the other 59.2% of my time left to spend with my family, friends, and pursuits towards personal endeavors outside of academia.

As for a few defining moments, towards the middle of 2015 and the beginning of 2016 I experienced the best and worst time of my life. I spent 305 days in a different state, attending 12 hours of school each week and a large part of the the remaining 156 hours mainly focusing on a healthy appetite for social interaction. During those days, I spent 5 months nurturing a relationship, which 153 days later would fall apart once I flew 7,145 miles back home. This, coupled with the fact that I’d be leaving the satisfaction of sudden independence and roughly 25 brand-spanking-new good friends, left me with 213 days battling with what turned out to be the hardest yet most transformative season of my life thus far.

My first day back on Guam I landed at 10 o’clock in the evening, fell asleep around midnight, and 6 hours later woke up to go on a morning hike to distract myself from the pain I knew would be inevitable. The next 2 days succeeding that were spent with tears wallowing in sadness so deep, at times I could do nothing more than curl up in a ball and force myself to go to sleep. It was nearly 3 months of complete devastation and a sense of yearning for something I couldn’t yet name.

On day 3, I had had it with depression and vowed to do everything in my power to never feel that way again. As a result, the 76 days that followed from then on were spent actively trying to distract myself from the hollowness I couldn’t seem to shake; This included watching movies nearly every night at the theatre, going out with friends, cleaning and reorganizing my 4 year plan for university, hiking, running, swimming, eating, and most of all: avoiding. But as ever, that perpetual shadow of what I could only call grief– the loss of what I left behind– continued to plague me for more hours than I wish to count. I spent nearly 22 hours a day questioning why this was and came to the conclusion that my sadness was the result of an idle summer– jobless, purposeless, and holding on to a past I hadn’t yet learned to let go of.

On day 79, I went back to school. I had a reason for getting up again. The sudden routine didn’t provide for me the solace I had hoped for right away, but I started getting back on my feet and focusing on life outside of what use to be and who it had been with.

214 days after that cloud of darkness shaped itself above my head, I had successfully worked with my pain instead of against it and from that blossomed a strength I once thought impossible.

48 days after the new year, about 8 months after my return home and my months long depression, I met someone new. Thus followed a good 4 to 5 weeks of first experiences with a new person, a different pair of lips, and another wave of sadness, which came when it all came crumbling down roughly 47 days later. In those weeks, life grew even more hectic. Final exams and papers worth 20% of my grade approached their due dates, work peaked, family crises rose from the ground like weeds in the soil, and my usual 9-5 at school turned into 9-1. The hands of the universe were arranging my life in an intricate pattern of dominoes which fell piece by piece leaving me to catch them all in the tiny expanse of my 2 hands. It was yet another season of learning and growing, and reaping lessons I still haven’t fully grasped.

I don’t want to dwell on such things, however. I am 151 days into 2017 and 2 full weeks of happiness. This has been a year which has proven to be a fruitful experience of soulful expansion and youthful optimism and it’s only just begun. In the grand scheme of things, if I live up to 73, the average lifespan of females in the world, I have a good 19,723 days before I die. This is assuming that I don’t get hit by a bus or contract e-coli before then and that I pass away exactly at 11:13 p.m. on November 23rd 2070. This is also assuming I’m average- which I’m not– thank you very much. I have about 2,818 weeks left to see Coldplay live, visit 10 countries, skydive from 14,000 feet in the air, and reach my goal of having read at least 2,000 books in a single lifetime. I have 53 years left to grow the seeds of my purpose and create a garden that will continue to flourish even after I perish.

I am the summation of 3,747 nights, 3,748 days, 179849 hours, and 7 very important people. I am chasing life with 2 legs and grasping for experience with 10 fingers clasped tight. I am learning. Although I am made up of numbers which simultaneously increase and decrease as I continue to create myself, I am essentially just 1 being ceaselessly racing towards infinity.

(I wrote this on May 31st, 2017. The numbers should reflect that.)
(Also, I’m really bad at math.) 

Somewhere

Somewhere

In the world, hidden beneath a concrete bridge,
a child lays on jagged rocks his stomach crying from hunger
In the country adjacent from him the sound of gunshots
fly against the wind screaming for peace, finding only pieces
Of flesh, of animals, of abandoned concrete homes

Somewhere in the world, a soldier comes home to no expecting arms.
No warm embraces with the halls of the airport filled only with strangers,
while imaginary bullets force him to duck beneath the cold wooden table
in the corner of a diner. People stare.
“What’s wrong with him?”

Somewhere a young child watches through blurred vision,
the heavy weight of of his father’s coffin being lowered into the earth.
On to his shoulders. He stares into the sun drenched sky and cries
“Why me, God?”

Somewhere, someone bursts through the fragile glass doors of a hospital
Frantic breaths asking a single question, somber eyes answering

“You’re too late.”

In some dismal reality from our own,
dust settles over unopened letters
Unrequited love decorates pictures
with frames turned upside down

Somewhere, in an unjust, dismal corner of this planet
Spinning in tune with the broken, uneven promises of hope
there’s only a vast abyss rife with hopelessness,
half-baked effort, regrets and what ifs

But here

Here, there is the silent stillness beneath the dark clouds
The half crescent moon a mirror of your smile and mine
The warmth of my fingers curling between yours
And under the canopy of the stars, there’s only me and you
and the grass beneath our bodies, conforming to the shape of our embrace

Today, in this moment, a fraction of the span of our lives,
there is more than what is infinitely imagined
I’ll say we’re the lucky ones and you’ll reply
there’s no such thing
There is only life and there is only this moment

Here, beautiful and messy with our shadows dancing beneath the night
With the future as fragile as the crisp breeze traveling between warm bodies
You tell me not to worry love

That maybe someday we’ll be different
And maybe someday we’ll hate what once was
We’ll push with burdened hearts. Scratch and cry
“You didn’t try hard enough”

And the bruises we hide beneath our ribs will hurt more with each expansion of our lungs

As if every breath that presses against the wounds is just another reminder

And all this will become a memory we will lock within ourselves
We’ll spurn the promises we shared
Wishing we never knew what love was

But that day is not now

Because in this world, tender beneath the stars and cloudy skies 
There is only my soul reaching for yours.
And in the morning, they will awake within the embrace of each other.
You tell me, “now is all that matters.”

And where the the birds sing to the rhythm of my heartbeat against yours,
with the music of the earth in harmony with what I know to be true,
your lips meet mine
And I am overcome

Closer

Eager palms, and soft kisses
Nothing but you and me
The moment fills with anticipation
soft lips, free hands,
loose hips, and perspiration.

Our breaths hitch, together we trip
over shirts flipped inside out
You pull me closer
then closer,
“Why can’t we get closer?”

Matching movement, pulse like thunder
a rhythm like flowing water.
Each touch an endless daze
your hands, my thighs
our limbs a moving maze

I’m too far in to see what’s wrong
Our bodies a tangled mess
A breathless question

“Are you ready?” 

and like a fool 

I whisper,

Yes