Category Archives: 30 Day Challenge (1)

How You Know You Love Someone

Challenge Day 5: How You Know You Love Someone

You know you love someone when…

They send you a link to a video they want you to watch and you actually watch the whole thing

They can lay any part of their limb or body on top of any surface of yours and you let them. You even enjoy it.

Their mood affects yours. When they’re sad, you feel it as if it’s your own pain.

The need to tell them you love them is so strong that sometimes it just slips out.

The same flaws that usually turn you off to other people have no affect on your feelings for them.

You offer them the last french fry.

You let them get away with a lot of shit.

You can talk for hours without a moment of awkward silence.

You get disappointed when the notification on your phone isn’t from them.

You let them change the radio station without them having to ask.

You’re at Taco Bell with only $5 to your name, yet you still ask them if they want anything.

You would take the time to cut the ends of their sandwich because you know they don’t like the crust.

You want all your friends and family to like them so you boost them whenever you talk about them.

You hear good music and they’re the first person you want to share it with.

You find a good restaurant and they’re the first person you want to bring.

You experience something amazing and they’re the first person you want to tell.

You remember all the little things without making a conscious effort to.

You would drive at 3 a.m. to rescue them from any situation, but really you’re just happy you get to see them.

You see something that reminds you of them and instantly feel some sort of contentment that they’re in your mind once again.

You miss them even when they’re right next to you.

You want to forgive them even while you’re angry at them.

You look at them and you want them for more than the moment. You think long-term.

You want to give them your best and nothing short of that will do.

You know they’re changing you, but you let them because when they love you back, it’s always for the better.

This was definitely the most challenging prompt for me to write thus far. In fact, imagine an expert in love and then think of the complete opposite of that person. That’s who I would be.  But I can’t pretend I’ve never felt it before. I love my family, my dad, my mom, my closest friends and I’ve loved people I’ve been in intimate relationships with. I have loved fully and passionately and softly. My problem is not that I don’t know what love is or what it feels like. My problem is that I can’t say it out loud. Because actually saying it out loud is very much like giving a part of yourself to a person and trusting them with it. And trust does not always come easy to me.

So while I haven’t always said it out loud, I knew I felt it.

How do you know you love someone?

Home and Heaven

Home and Heaven

Imagine angels playing an invigorating game of soccer on a heavenly cloud–their wings damp from exertion and halos knocked askew from all the movement. The Cherubim sit on the golden bleachers cheering while the Strongholds coach their players on the field. The Seraphim referee the game while God keeps score.

The Guardian Angels and Archangels are tied. Intensity fills the crowd as Michael dribbles the ball down the field with only a minute left to play. Before he makes it to an ideal position to score, Harmony swoops in for the blessed steal. The angels go wild spilling raspberries and peanuts on the cloudy floor. The ball is kicked to the angel Afriel. It’s a give-and-go and Harmony launches it into the goal right past Gadreel. The last goal has been made and all the angels cheer. In a fit of excitement the winged warriors doggy pile on Harmony and accidentally break off a piece of their celestial cloud.

Unaware of their actions, the tiny piece of heaven bursts through Earth’s atmosphere, spiraling down until it gently lands upon a section of the planet where the edge of the ocean meets the horizon. It is in this area of the sea where the cloud sinks to the bottom and like a mustard seed, sprouts from the ocean floor.

An island is created.

There is calmness spread from the movement of nature. Clouds collide into one another, crafting shapes that no one sees the same way. The sound of the wind dances through the people and shifts the beads of sand creating a ballad of tranquility. But even when the land lays still and the people go to sleep, there is music in the silence. The warmth of the sun seeps into their skins and light is injected into every pore. In their veins, sunrises begin to form.

In that space, the ocean gleams in cerulean waves, the ceaseless sunshine reflects from vibrant leaves onto the eyes of a beloved, and the trees within the vicinity sway to the rhythmic melody of the breeze. In the early morning light, multifarious hues of purples and pinks bless the moving waters with a pale shadow; but in the coming twilight, the skies melt to an extravagant canvas that only the hands of a god could create.

People will often ask, “What do you call this place.”

The only reply is, “Home.”

 

Hey “Insert Name Here,”

Challenge Day 3: Letter to my significant other (or future significant other)

Hey “Insert Name Here,”

I don’t really know where to start. How do you write a letter to someone you don’t even know yet? I have no idea when I’ll meet you, if I already have. I don’t know who you are or what you do. I don’t know whether your crazy or sane or a little bit of both. Maybe you’re a teacher at some middle school, maybe you’re an athlete, or a computer scientist. Maybe you’re one of those people who get paid for trying new flavors of ice cream. I hope you’re a magician.

I have no idea what you do and who you are, but for now all these questions are unanswered. And I find that so exciting. You excite the fuck out of me and I don’t even know who you are. Damn, slaying the game already.

I can’t really say I’m sitting here pining away for you, wondering when you’re going to come into my life and change my world. Because:

  1. Fuck that.
  2. You have your own life to live and your own reality to create.

So take your time, because I’m doing the same thing.

I won’t bother introducing myself to you, because you probably already know all the fun and terrible details of my life by now. So I guess I’ll just make some predictions about our life together.

Prediction 1: We live in an apartment (hopefully) in Canada. With windows. Lost of windows with our rescue dog.

Prediction 2: We met through a mutual friend while I was in school; We also hated each other.

Prediction 3: We have a shared dislike for The Great Gatsby and we both think pizza is overrated.

Prediction 4: Our first date was at a Denny’s.

Prediction 5: We bond over food, movies, and the type of music you listen to when you’re high. I drag you to James Wan’s horror movies that you don’t want to see but you force me to go to the beach when it’s hot as hell and humid so it’s only fair.

I’m going to stop there. But those are my predictions for now.

I hope where you are that you find yourself before we find each other. I don’t want to get too cheesy. But I hope that you struggle and are hit by obstacle after obstacle and rise higher than you ever expected.

I hope your progression in life is one that leads you to your wildest achievements and that you receive as much as you give– and whether or not I’ll be there for those, I hope they are memories that inspire you to be the best you can be. Because knowing the kind of person I want and need in life, I have no doubt you’ll have the best heart that I could ever imagine.

Hope to see you soon.

Best,
Via

You’ll Never Know This Poem Is About You

Challenge Day 2: Describe Someone You Love/d

You’re a rainy day on Sunday
You’re clothes fresh out of the dryer
You’re the wind blowing through my hair
And s’mores roasting over a fire

You’re a cancelled class on Monday
Cheetos residue I lick off my fingers
You’re hot cocoa on Christmas morning
And the kind of warmth that lingers

You’re the happy ending in a novel
You’re a midnight snack after sex
You’re the flip side of my pillow
My favorite good morning text

You’re air drying after a nice shower
You’re rocking out to my favorite band
You’re the free food at a buffet
You’re bare feet sinking in sand

You’re a paper cut from a sad book
You’re the dry heat at noon
You’re an alarm clock on Saturday
You’re a hot day in June

You’re a letter of rejection
You’re an Iggy Azalea verse
You’re the anxiousness that settles
When you have to present first

You’re the F I get on a final exam
You’re tequila shots without lime
You’re oil that jumps out of the skillet
You’re the right person, wrong time

You’re a question that goes unanswered
You’re not letting go of the past
You’re wishing I had tried harder
You’re the regret that it didn’t last

My Life Explained By Numbers

Challenge Day 1: Introduce Yourself 

I have lived a grand total of 1,070 weeks, which, factoring in the date of my birth is exactly 7,489 days today. This is not including leap year so really I’ve lived a total of 7,494 days. That means I am made up of 10,791,360 minutes of alternating good and bad decisions, lazy days, detours and misadventures, lies, love, 99¢ ramen runs and 1 Rihanna concert. I am 3 inches above 60 and 115lbs of solidified magic and madness. I have been with 3 people, only said “I love you” to one, have 5 close friends I would do anything for, 4 parents I love more than anything, and a dog I would jump in front of a slowly moving car for. I am the 3rd kid in a group of 5, but I am legally an only child. I was adopted 1,089 days from my birth and have lived on the island of Guam for nearly 6,400 days.

Roughly 40.8% of my time has been dedicated to aiming for decent grades, memorizing various literary devices, and trying but failing to find the solutions to limits as x approaches a constant. Since I will be entering my senior year of college in 3 months I still have about 180 days left of school. I spend around 8 hours studying and attending classes 5 days out of 7. That’s roughly 40 hours a week pursuing my academic goals. This number, of course, varies upon the time in the semester, the amount of credit hours, and the type of student, but I’d say it’s comparable to a full time job. That leaves the other 59.2% of my time left to spend with my family, friends, and pursuits towards personal endeavors outside of academia.

As for a few defining moments, towards the middle of 2015 and the beginning of 2016 I experienced the best and worst time of my life. I spent 305 days in a different state, attending 12 hours of school each week and a large part of the the remaining 156 hours mainly focusing on a healthy appetite for social interaction. During those days, I spent 5 months nurturing a relationship, which 153 days later would fall apart once I flew 7,145 miles back home. This, coupled with the fact that I’d be leaving the satisfaction of sudden independence and roughly 25 brand-spanking-new good friends, left me with 213 days battling with what turned out to be the hardest yet most transformative season of my life thus far.

My first day back on Guam I landed at 10 o’clock in the evening, fell asleep around midnight, and 6 hours later woke up to go on a morning hike to distract myself from the pain I knew would be inevitable. The next 2 days succeeding that were spent with tears wallowing in sadness so deep, at times I could do nothing more than curl up in a ball and force myself to go to sleep. It was nearly 3 months of complete devastation and a sense of yearning for something I couldn’t yet name.

On day 3, I had had it with depression and vowed to do everything in my power to never feel that way again. As a result, the 76 days that followed from then on were spent actively trying to distract myself from the hollowness I couldn’t seem to shake; This included watching movies nearly every night at the theatre, going out with friends, cleaning and reorganizing my 4 year plan for university, hiking, running, swimming, eating, and most of all: avoiding. But as ever, that perpetual shadow of what I could only call grief– the loss of what I left behind– continued to plague me for more hours than I wish to count. I spent nearly 22 hours a day questioning why this was and came to the conclusion that my sadness was the result of an idle summer– jobless, purposeless, and holding on to a past I hadn’t yet learned to let go of.

On day 79, I went back to school. I had a reason for getting up again. The sudden routine didn’t provide for me the solace I had hoped for right away, but I started getting back on my feet and focusing on life outside of what use to be and who it had been with.

214 days after that cloud of darkness shaped itself above my head, I had successfully worked with my pain instead of against it and from that blossomed a strength I once thought impossible.

48 days after the new year, about 8 months after my return home and my months long depression, I met someone new. Thus followed a good 4 to 5 weeks of first experiences with a new person, a different pair of lips, and another wave of sadness, which came when it all came crumbling down roughly 47 days later. In those weeks, life grew even more hectic. Final exams and papers worth 20% of my grade approached their due dates, work peaked, family crises rose from the ground like weeds in the soil, and my usual 9-5 at school turned into 9-1. The hands of the universe were arranging my life in an intricate pattern of dominoes which fell piece by piece leaving me to catch them all in the tiny expanse of my 2 hands. It was yet another season of learning and growing, and reaping lessons I still haven’t fully grasped.

I don’t want to dwell on such things, however. I am 151 days into 2017 and 2 full weeks of happiness. This has been a year which has proven to be a fruitful experience of soulful expansion and youthful optimism and it’s only just begun. In the grand scheme of things, if I live up to 73, the average lifespan of females in the world, I have a good 19,723 days before I die. This is assuming that I don’t get hit by a bus or contract e-coli before then and that I pass away exactly at 11:13 p.m. on November 23rd 2070. This is also assuming I’m average- which I’m not– thank you very much. I have about 2,818 weeks left to see Coldplay live, visit 10 countries, skydive from 14,000 feet in the air, and reach my goal of having read at least 2,000 books in a single lifetime. I have 53 years left to grow the seeds of my purpose and create a garden that will continue to flourish even after I perish.

I am the summation of 3,747 nights, 3,748 days, 179849 hours, and 7 very important people. I am chasing life with 2 legs and grasping for experience with 10 fingers clasped tight. I am learning. Although I am made up of numbers which simultaneously increase and decrease as I continue to create myself, I am essentially just 1 being ceaselessly racing towards infinity.

(I wrote this on May 31st, 2017. The numbers should reflect that.)
(Also, I’m really bad at math.)